EVIL DEAD: ATTACK OF THE TRENCH COAT BRIGADE
by Trooper 3.6
Summary: When Demonic forces invade London, England. Who will come to the rescue? Ash Williams, John Constantine, Doc. Occult, Mister E and the Phantom Stranger. THE TRENCH COAT BRIGADE
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: Okay people here we go. The sequel to Evil Dead Way of the Boomstick. I hope you all enjoyed the it because, hears round two. Ash now enters the Dark world of DC/VERTIGO comics, as he teams up with John Constantine Hellblazer and the rest of the "Trench Coat Brigade," (TCB). For those of you who have no idea what TCB is, it is the combined forces of John Constantine, Doctor Occult, Mister E and the Phantom Stranger. Ash finds himself in a world filled with magic, demons, and darkness and…wait a minute, his world was always like that anyway. So anyway enjoy and please review. DISCLAIMER: I don't own John Constantine, or the Trench Coat Brigade, or Evil Dead, or Ash, or any of the characters from either universe, so please don't sue me.

"So anyway I jumped through the vortex and the rest is history," said Ash to his companion. "I landed somewhere outside the city. It didn't take to long for the cops to pick me up, but when they did they found my guns on me and had me cuffed and in the pen before I could get a word in. I never did understand what your country has against guns, I mean hey, it worked out pretty good for us didn't it. You have no idea how many times that double barrel saved my life. Anyway they decided to let me off sine it was my first time here, oh and because I beat the shit out of this sadist cell mate who was causing so much trouble inside. I guess they took it as a favor. So now I'm here, I have no guns and I have no money so I have no idea how I'm gonna pay for this drink," he said and gulped down the last of his Jack Daniels. "So what do you think?" he asked his companion.

"Awe, I know how ye feel mate," he said in his thick English accent. "I've been there and back again ye know. Shit happens and someone's gotta do something about it," he said running his hands through his blonde hair. "Them bastards think they can all just walk all over us well, they got one arse loada pain comin I tell ye."

"Amen to that brother, finally a guy willing to fight back," Ash said with relief.

"Aye, Lotta people think the demons don't exist in our world. I tell you there here right now in this room ready to take the hopes and dreams of every free spirited human being in this world and shove em right up their arses," he said as he lit a cigarette. I've had a brush with those types me self."

"Really?" asked Ash. "Okay then pal, what's your story?"

"Awe ye don't wanna know mate," he said as he placed his litter back in the pocket of his Tan trench coat.

"Come on buddy I just told you mine," said Ash. "Can't possibly be any worse."

"Oh you have no idea," muttered his trench coat clad companion. "All right mate, here it goes. See it all started in this little town called New Castle an…" his companion was cut short as the door to the pub was broken down by band of deadites. "BLIMY!" Ash's companion shrieked.

"Ah crap," moaned Ash. "Do you guys ever take a break!" he bellowed at the band of demons. There were at least two dozen of them. The other customers and the bartender were already running around in panic. All that did was get them eaten.

"Leme take a wild guess mate, these are the deadnouts you told me bout," asked his British companion.

"Deadites and they couldn't have picked a better time," began Ash. "I have no weapons and even if I did the cops would confiscate them, go figure."

"Here then mate," said the Brit. "I'll handle em for ye," he said. The Brit began to chant some familiar words and with a blast from his hands the oncoming deadites froze. Ash's British friend had cast the stun spell he had learned from the spell book he found in Dearborn, he had forgotten all about his spell book (which he still had in his pack).

"You know the Stun spell!" Ash exclaimed.

"Are you kidding?" asked the Brit. I learned that in the fifth grade from a fortuneteller named Clowie.

"You seem to be full of surprises pal," said Ash. "But what do we do now. That won't hold em forever."

"Don't worry mate," began the Brit. "I have me a little trick that el take care of this lot," he said with a menacing smile. He began chanting something Ash had never heard before.

IN HELL

The First of the Fallen, aka the devil, turned around to see that the first of the demons he had sent to Earth to destroy the one called Ash. Had returned to him. "I TOLD YOU TO ATTACK THE DEMONS SLAYER YOU FOOLS!" he barked. What do you want?

"Your skin," said the first demon as it jumped on him and bit into his neck. The First of the Fallen grew furious and tore the deadite apart. Then turned to the others who were also attacking him.

EARTH, LONDON, ENGLAND

"You controlled them?" asked Ash as him and his companion stood in the deserted pub.

"Aye, high Magnus shit," he explained. "Allows me to override their original orders and give em me own. Who says soldiers aren't mindless zombies."

"What did you tell them to do?" asked Ash.

"To attack the bastard who sent em our way," said his companion. "And I'll bet you me last pound it was the Devil im self."

"No doubt," said Ash. "But there'll be way more where they came from. I'm gonna need some weapons."

"I might be able to arrange that," said his companion. "Come along then mate."

Ash began to follow him to the door. "Oh yeah, I never did catch your name," said Ash.

"Oh right then," said his companion as he turned to Ash. "John's the name, John…"

IN HELL

"CONSTANTINE!" screamed the First of the Fallen as the deadites tried to pile on top of him, knowing full well whose handy work had sent these feeble minded fools to attack him.

London, England

"So dose that mean, they're all back in Hell?" asked Ash as John and him exited the door of the pub.

"No, only that lot," began Constantine. "The spell, will only werk on about twenty or thirty at a time, and then only if they are stunned. An I'm sure there'll be more where they came from."

"Well naturally," said Ash. "So you said you could hook me up with some weapons?"

"All in good time mate, first we gotta get our facts strait you see," said Constantine. He lead Ash on through the cloudy night streets of London to a phone booth. Constantine stopped short before entering the booth. "I trust you know some magic right?" asked Constantine.

"Sure, I got the spell book right here," said Ash as he pulled his spell book out of his belt. He had had it since Dearborn and it had proven to be very useful on occasion.

"Right then. I just got to make one phone call, the rest should unwind itself," said Constantine as he entered the booth. Ash stood watch as his companion made his phone call. He heard bits and pieces about meeting at the usual place and finding someone named E, and also there was something about a Wanker in there. Ash did not pay much attention to most of the talking. Ash looked around at his new surroundings. The streets were mostly deserted. There were a few stray dogs here and there, thick fog all around, an erie wind. The paranoid feeling someone or something watching him…just waiting for him to make a wrong move. It beard an uncanny resemblance to Dearborn. Luckily Constantine did not take very long. "All right squire, let's get a move on then," said Constantine as he exited the booth and continued to lead him down the streets of London.

"Gees, is it always this creepy?" asked Ash as his mage companion lead him down the dreary streets of London.

"About ninety nine point nine percent of the time mate," said Constantine with a nod.

"Man, this place is tied for the creepiest place I've ever been!" complained Ash.

"Tied with what," asked Constantine as he puffed smoke from his cigarette.

Ash paused for a moment then sighed. "Every other damn place I've ever been."

Constantine laughed. "Well mate, it don't get much better than this where ever ye go," he said.

"I guess your right," said Ash with a sigh. Constantine led on until they came to a clothing store. Constantine led Ash inside. "What the hell are we doing here?" asked Ash.

"There's a change of attire in order," explained Constantine. "Ye can't go walkin round London dressed like that now can you?" asked Constantine pointing at Ash's garb, which consisted of a torn denim shirt, and cargo pants. Ash sighed. "An also, if yer gonna be walkin with my crowd yer gonna need the right look," he finished making a motion to his Trenchcoat.

"Okay fine you lousy limey," began Ash. "But I get to choose which one," he strongly stated.

"By all means yank, take yer pick,"said Constantine with his arm stretched to the store's numerous selection of clothing.

Ash scanned around the Trench coat section, not liking much of what he saw until he found one tagged as an "import from America," he examined it for a moment then smiled. "Groovy!" he said with contempt.

"Why the bloody hell did ye make me by that ridiculous coat Ash?" asked Constantine as he was still in mourning for the sixty five quid he just spent on the most ridiculous Trench Coat he had ever seen.

"Hey! Don't mess with the KING baby!" said Ash as he walked along side his companion wearing his brand new white Trench Coat, with gold writing on the back that spelled "THE KING."

"Well you could have at least chipped in a wee bit," Constantine complained.

"Owe come on, John I told you I don't have any money, I lost my wallet like a month ago back in Dearborn," said Ash in attempt to give something of an apology. He always hated having to burden other people with himself. It was sick, he could protect himself from demons but he couldn't protect himself from the economic system. "Look I'll pay you back a soon as I have access to an international banking system okay."

"Whatever Squire," said Constantine, clearly not impressed by the promise. Ash just let it go. It was obvious there was no reasoning with his companion. Constantine led on into an area of the street under construction, but there were no workers. All the equipment was left there with no one to attend them, which automatically got Ash's nerves on edge. Constantine appeared to be getting a little nervous as well.

"I got a bad feeling about this," said Ash. Ash he gazed around the torn up road and heavy equipment.

"Aye, me too," said Constantine. As they both looked around the area, they began to here a very low moaning sound.

"John?" said Ash.

"Aye?" said Constantine.

"RUN!" shouted Ash. As if on cue a deadite jumped on top of both demon slayers, laughing and snaring. Ash and Constantine stumbled about with the demons latched to their backs. Ash scanned the area quickly then found what he was looking for. He leaned forward and ran as fast as he could. The demon looked up just in time to see the Bulldozer, which Ash was running to at top speed. With a thud Ash rammed the head of the deadite into the side of the Bulldozer, crushing it's head against the vehicle. Ash brushed the lifeless body of the deadite off of his back. "Look I understand the attraction and all but I hate the clinging type," he said to the corps. Ash was surprised that only two demons had attacked; he figured it must have been a recon party. He heard the moans of more deadties coming, he scanned the area quickly for something to use as a weapon then a shovel on the ground caught his eye. He picked up the tool with memories of past experiences in his mind, not all of them happy. "What the hell, can't beat an old classic!" said Ash with a grin. He turned to the oncoming band of deadites charging towards him. "Okay dead heads, lets get it on."

Constantine was not having the best of days. Not only was there a flesh-eating demon latched to his back and drooling on his Trench Coat but he lost his cigarette in the frenzy. Constantine shrieked and frantically tried to get the demon off of him. He finally he cooled his nerves enough to make us of his hands. The mage quickly jammed the first two fingers of his right hand into he deadite's eyes with all his strength. The demon screamed in agony and released Constantine from his grip. Constantine spun around and gave the demon a swift kick in the groin. Constantine was still horrified by these creatures he had seen several variations of these creatures but mostly the ones fresh from Hell. These were once human but now their eye's glowed with hate, their skins turned pal or gray. Many lost most hair making it hard to tell the males from females, but it was clear that the ones that attacked him and Ash where once construction workers. The deadtie was beginning to pull himself together and slowly began to rise from it's hunched over stance. Constantine extended his right hand and loudly bellowed, "PISS OFF!" A light blue projectile flashed from his hand and roasted the demon to a cinder. Constantine was almost glad the faces of the deadites were incomprehensible. He knew a few people in the construction business. He looked over to where he last saw his American companion. He seemed to be doing all right; Ash had acquired a shovel, which he was now using as a melee weapon against several deadites by violently slashing at them. With a few slashes he battered two demons to death. He then bashed one upside the head, rendering it unconscious then with an upward thrust with his shovel he sent the deadite's head flying through the air. He battered the next three to death within seconds. There did not appear to be anymore of them. Ash slid his shovel into the harness strapped over the back of his Trench Coat (originally meant for his shotgun).

"Hail to the King Baby," said Ash with a smirk.

"Cheers," said Constantine as he lit another cigarette.

"So what happened to the dead head who jumped you?" asked Ash. Constantine looked towards the pile of Ash's on the ground. Ash looked confused.

"How…" Ash began.

"Magic," said Constantine, cutting off his American Companion.

"Oh," said Ash with a shrug. "So now that that's over how about this meeting place of yours?" suggested Ash.

"My thoughts exactly mate, come along now," said Constantine as he turned and continued along the road with Ash following behind.

"Oh yeah and by the way thanks a lot for the help back there pal," said Ash. "You were really a big help to me, you know when I was surrounded by demons and about to be over run and what not."

"Well you managed just fine didn't ye squire?" asked Constantine with a menacing grin.

"Whatever you lazy ass…" Ash was cut off by a loud roar from behind the two of them. The two of them spun around to see four very large demons charging them. Both of them new that with their current weaponry there was no way they could fight the oncoming demons all they could do was run. The two of them sprinted up the road without having to say a word to the other. But their run was short lived. Moments latter the two stopped as they saw four more demons of the same size coming towards them from the front. They were trapped. "Well this is a hell of a way to go," grumbled Ash. The eight demons were only a few feet away when a ray of blue light hit them and almost instantly burned all eight of them to ashes, leaving Ash and Constantine standing in the middle of a ring of charred demon remains.

"You should be more weary about your travels, John Constantine," came a dark voice from the fog. A dark figure emerged from the fog. He appeared to be human only with glowing white eye's, he wore a black Trench Coat and a black hat.

"Well bout bloody time ye showed up you WANKER!" bellowed Constantine to the new arrival.

"As always, a charmer to the end," said the Stranger, as if use to Constantine's crud treatment.

"Okay someone wanta introduce me to the stranger here?" asked Ash, having realized these two knew eachother.

"Yes, I am indeed a Stranger," said the new arrival, turning his attention to Ash.

"No kidding, you got a name or what?" asked Ash.

"Yes Ashley Williams, I do hope that one day you shall call me friend, but for now a stranger I am and a stranger I must remain.

"Okay then we'll play it your way, Stranger. I assume you two…Wait a minute, how do you know my name?" asked Ash

"How do ye think mate?" asked Constantine.

"Magic," all three of them said in unison.

"Oh boy," sighed Ash. 'This is going to be a long night' he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes: What only a few reviews? Awe man! Come on people! This isn't exactly easy you know, juggling all this in with work and this coming Thursday, School! Come on please send some reviews here. Anyway. I'll try to get one or two more chapters in this week before school starts, my brother gives me crap about how I won't have time for it during the school year. Well I hardly have time for it as it is! Anyway, here is where we meet the rest of the Trench Coat Brigade. Here's chapter two, enjoy and please review.

Constantine and the Stranger lead Ash down the streets of London another five blocks to an apartment building. They led him up to the third floor where they entered the room numbered 667 'Neighbor of the Beast,' Ash thought to himself, at realization that it was only one number higher than 666. His companions and he entered through the door of the apartment. It was no that big of a room. Only a lamp mounted on the wall dimly lighted the room. There was a long table in the middle, with an ashtray in the center. There were a few small paintings on the wall, and a window at the far end of the room, not that it did the room much good, since it was draped shut. There was an opening into another room, probably a kitchen. Two men were already present, both standing on opposite ends of the table. One wore sunglasses, a sky blue trench coat and held a cane in his had. He was probably blind, the sunglasses and the cane were a dead give-away. The other wore a large brown trench coat and wore a hat that looked a lot like the one worn by Indian Jones.

"Splendid!" sang Constantine. "Your both here already."

"You however took your time Constantine," grumbled the man with the sunglasses, as a scowl came to his face.

"Wow! Who peed in his coffee?" asked Ash. A faint wave of laughter echoed through the room.

The man with the sunglasses scowled deeper. "And who might this be Constantine?" he asked, clearly annoyed. "One of your lowlife friends no doubt," he sneered.

"Hey Bub, you wanna start something here than I'll tell you right now…" Ash started as he took a step towards the sour face with a clenched fist.

The Stranger placed a hand on Ash's right shoulder to calm him. "Be at peace, both of you," commanded the Stranger. "The very world we live in his under siege by demonic forces and all you two can do his slash at each other's throats. We must work to help each other now or else all is lost!" Ash and E both calmed themselves and nodded. "Be seated, all of you," he said. They all obeyed, the Stranger took the seat at the head of the table. "I suppose there are introductions in order. Ashley Williams, Mister E," said the Stranger motioning to the blue-coated man whom Ash had nearly come to blows with. Mister E gave a slight bow, Ash returned it with a nod. "And Doctor Occult," he said motioning to the brown coated man.

"Good evening mister Williams," said Doctor Occult.

"Evening Doc," returned Ash with a nod.

"Perfect! Now that introductions are out of the way, lets us get down to business then," said Constantine as he puffed smoke from his cigarette.

"Constantine is correct," began the Stranger. "As you are all well aware the army of Hell has besieged this city."

"No bleedin kidding mate!" said Constantine. "Nasty buggers they are, never seen anything just quit like them in me life!"

"He's right," said Doctor Occult. "I encountered some on my way here, I was barely able toward them off and get away."

"You all speak for yourselves," began Mister E. I killed several of them on my way here with little trouble," he said as he lifted a bloody wooden stake from his coat and also brought up a revolver.

"Ah so ye do keep a revolver full of silver bullets do ye?" asked Constantine with a grin. "Gus the ol bloke was right."

"For your information Constantine. This gun dose not contain bullets at all. It fires stones from the road to Damascus, the holy road where Jesus met with Saint Paul and none of your fowl minded friends would understand anything about it."

"Be at peace all of you, we need not continue old arguments, or grudges," said the Stranger. "We must maintain order and quell this horrendous invasion force which has plaque the city."

"Einstein is right," said Ash. "These things are the mother of all pest-problems and we are the exterminators. But we have to work together, if we're gonna give these mothers the kiss off."

"Yea, cheers Ash!" said Constantine with a round of applause. "Couldn't a put it better myself mate," he finished.

"I take it you have experience in battling these creatures?" asked Doctor Occult.

"You catch on pretty fast Doc," replied Ash. "Yes, John already heard. You want the long version or the short? To make it relatively quick, they're called deadites. About twenty years ago, a professor in America accidentally unleashed the deadites in the woods outside Dearborn Michigan. That's how I got involved. Lets just say I was sent to hell and back, and then back again…and again…and then again…and again…well After a mass of demons invading Dearborn, dozens of outrageous time travel expeditions and all around havoc I ended up here and as always the deadites have followed me right along."

Occult, E and the Stranger all looked at each other in confussion. Constantine just sat back in his chair and grinned, as if fantasizing on what the next word said would be. After a few moments of silence and questioning looks, Occult broke the silence. "That did not make much sense, would you tell us the long version?" asked the Doctor.

"That was the long version, mate," said Constantine. "The short version is…Shit happened," he finished as he placed a burned down cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

"A very brief but totally fitting summary Johnny," said Ash.

"Cheers!" replied Constantine as he lit another cigarette.

"I suppose that is the best we shall ever receive from either of you," said the Stranger with a sigh.

"What not detailed enough for you boss?" asked Ash. "Fine then, the key to these things is brute force, I'm sure our stake wielding friend is well aware of that," he said. E remained silent. "Knives, axes, saws, guns, bombs…the bigger the better," Ash continued. "I'm sure you know that many of these things were once human, but you can pretty much forget about freeing them. These demons never let their victims go until their bodies are damaged beyond repair, bodily dismemberment is the way to go, a sick way, but the only way," stated Ash as all humor slipped from his voice.

The trench coat clad audience were silent, all trying to take in what they had just heard. When they could all hear the patter of rain on the roof the Stranger spoke up. "What of the monstrosities that attacked you on the street, surely those are not of this world?" he asked.

"No Shit you twat!" groaned Constantine.

"None at all," stated Ash. "The Big Bastards are called Guardians," explained Ash. "Like the smaller gray skinned humanoid deadites, these guys are fresh from the barbecue pit, big, bad and ugly. There are a couple of different breeds of them but the fat saggy slow ones you particularly don't wanna get to close to. Not just because of the five-ton punch they pack butt because they have a tendency to vomit a very hot slimy acid on their victims."

"So much for dinner," complained Constantine.

"Well I highly doubt whining and joking is going to stop them Constantine," stated Mr. E.

"Is he always this negative?" asked Ash thoroughly fed up with the nasty comments from their blind friend.

"Constantly," sighed Constantine.

E opened his mouth to make a comeback, but was cut short by the stranger. "Enough," he said, calmly but firmly. "Tell us more Ashley Williams," said the Stranger. "How my I ask do these demons cross over to our plane?"

"Simple, vortexes," began Ash. "They summon vortexes from hell that work as elevators to our level. But like all their little schemes they have a weakness, silver. Place an item of pure silver inside one of those vortexes and they'll fold like a duce before a royal flush," he finished.

"Well E, looks like you finally have something use full in that ol coat of yours," said Constantine with a puff of cigarette smoke.

"I specialize in the destruction of evil," stated Mr. E. "You will find I have far more than just stakes and a revolver in my arsenal."

"You have weapons?" asked Ash hopefully.

"Yes, plenty," replied Mr. E.

"Excellent, pal you just went up a notch in my book, weapons are good very very good," said Ash with great enthusiasm. "Now where do you keep them?" he asked.

E was silent for a moment. "I normally do not allow anyone in my house, but in this case it appears I must make an exception," said E with a sigh.

"Awesome lets go, we got places to go and demons to kill. We go to E's place, get some heat then head out to kick some Ass!" said Ash as he arose from his seat.

"Well it's not exactly my style…but is suppose yer right. Magic will only do us so much good in this case," said Constantine blowing more smoke from his cigarette.

"It is settled then," said the Stranger. "We shall rally at the this building in two hours upon which we shall seek out and engage the demons in battle. Mister E, you may lead Mr. Williams, Constantine and the Doctor to your living quarters and dispense proper weaponry. I shall summon Timothy Hunter," he finished and they all rose.

Ash opened his mouth to ask about this Hunter character but was cut off by Constantine. "You really think getting Tim involved here is a good idea?" he asked the Stranger.

"I am sure he is strong enough now John Constantine. He cannot learn without experience," replied the Stranger.

"That's not what I meant mate," said Constantine. He made a quick glance to E who was standing now and scowling as usual. Constantine then returned his gaze to the Stranger with a look of unsureness.

The Stranger turned to Mr. E. "I trust you have learned from past mistakes Mr. E," began the Stranger. E's face remained frozen. "Do I have your word Mr. E?" asked the Stranger.

E's scowl deepened. He paused for a moment then turned and began walking toward the door of the apartment. "Very well," E finally said. "You have my word Stranger," he finished as he walked through the door.

Dr. Occult began walking towards the door. Constantine stepped away from the table to the telephone on the wall. "Tell E to wait up while I call Chaz," he said to Occult. The Doctor nodded and continued on. Constantine only talked for a moment over the phone, he read off the address of the apartment building and told the man at the other the line to hurry then hung up.

"What the hell was all that with E a moment ago?" asked Ash, still in confusion of the wave of suspicion surrounding Mr. E before he left.

"Long story mate, I'll tell ye on the way," said Constantine. "Chaz'll be here soon, sure you'll like him. We go back a long way me and him."

"Then let us be off," said the Stranger as he led the way out the door.

Ash hung back with Constantine. Constantine place his cigarette on the verge of burning down into the ashtray. He then placed an arm on Ash's shoulder. "Well mate," he began. "Welcome to the 'Trench Coat Brigade,' he said with a smirk.

"Constantine!" came the annoyed voice of the Stranger from the hallway beyond the door.

"Awe some people can't take a joke you know?" said Constantine as he led Ash out the door of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's notes: Hi everyone, hope your ready for some more action cause chapter three is here. Get ready to meet yet another character of the DC/VERTIGO universe and a whole lot of kick-ass weapons sorry its taking me so long but now I have to deal with school on top of everything else.

A yellow taxicab parked next to a run-down apartment building on the south side of London. E, Constantine, Occult and Ash all emerged from the cab. "Just wait here for us, right Chas?" said Constantine to the muscular man behind the weal.

"Sure, just don't take to long will ye?" replied the driver.

"No worries mate," said Constantine. The four men turned and walked toward the building. "So how'd ye like ol Chas?" Constantine asked Ash.

"Some character. So how long have you known him?" asked Ash.

"Aw we go back a long way him and me," said Constantine as E led them into the apartment building. "I had me a band back in the sixties ya see, that's how I met im," explained Constantine. E led them up the stairs, it was a sad old place with flickering lights worn walls old furniture in the lobby and framed black and white pictures hanging on the wall. E led them to the room marked 667.

Ash examined the number on the door as the others went inside. "Terrific!" he said as he realized the significance of the numbers. 'Neighbor of the beast,' he thought and followed the others in. It was a sad old room. Run down; rotten wood floors, a closet in one corner and a bed in the other, with a Bible on top of it opened to the book of Revelations, 'How the hell is he suppose to read that?' thought Ash. There was a bookcase near the bed, with more dust on it than frosting on a wedding cake. None of the books were labeled in brail. Cobwebs blanketed the ceiling like snow on a winter's day. There were only two windows; one had a large crack in it. A chilling breeze went over all of them. Ash hated it. 'Home sweet home,' he thought to himself. It reminded him of the Knowby Cabin.

"Bloody lovely E," complained Constantine. "God know how many lunatics in this world an we gotta get us a one with a bleedin haunted house for an apartment!" Constantine continued to grip.

"Be patient Constantine," said Dr. Occult. "E, you said you had weaponry for us?" asked the Doctor.

"Right this way," he said leading them to the closet. He pushed it open revealing what appeared to be a small armory. A gun rack full of shotguns pistols and rifles and several edged weapons and tools hung on the walls.

Ash smirked, "Guess you guys aren't a lost cause after all," he said and started looking around the closet, which was about the size of the actual room. He peered around examining everything in sight like a child in a toy store, Constantine and Occult followed a few seconds after not seeming to be very interested in what lay before them. After a few moments of looking around two familiar objects caught Ash's eyes. Ash's face twisted into a grin. "Now what are the chances of this?" he asked out loud. Constantine and Occult looked towards him in confusion. They saw him grab two objects that they could not quite make out in the dim light. He moved swiftly to a workbench at the back of the room and began fiddling with the items.

Constantine puffed smoke from his cigarette. "Beautiful E," began Constantine. "Not only are you the most violent nut job in all the ends of the bleedin earth but a arms dealer! Is no place on earth safe?" Constantine finished.

"These armaments are to maintain the safety of all righteous men on Earth from the dark ones!" sneered E with an unnerving scowl.

"Well have your way mate but shit, ye have enough hardware in here to get you deported ten times over!" said Constantine.

"It dose go against all the ideals of magic dose it not?" asked Occult.

"Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom, Doctor," replied E.

"Well, I suppose there is truth in that," said Occult.

"Seein as how the wanker got that bloody phrase from the ousted president of hell," Constantine said with a bitter smirk, remembering his trip to a section of hell, made to mock the United States and the President he had promised to assist but ended up bugging out on. He did that to a lot of his friends, just about every single one. He was growing to admire his one-armed yank friend very much. He sure hoped the bloke could watch his own arse. The loud hum of an engine starting brought their attention back to Ash. The three of them turned to see Ash revving a chainsaw, now mounted on the stump that would have been his right hand and bringing it down on the barrels of a double barreled 12-gauge shotgun. In just a few seconds he had torn through the barrels of the weapon making both barrels only fourteen inches in length, much shorter than it was before.

Ash looked from his Chainsaw arm to his reunited Boomstick and with a tough face uttered the word, "Groovy,"

"Groovy?" echoed Constantine. "The bloody Yank gets out less than we do!"

"Hey, Up yours you English prick," growled Ash in his own defense.

"Did I tell you my father was half Irish?" asked Constantine with a smirk.

Ash opened his mouth to reply but was cut of by Dr. Occult. "Enough!" he said in a calm but firm voice. "We must concentrate our actions toward our enemies."

"Fine," grumbled Ash, he had been looking forward to an enjoyable war of words between himself and his English friend but realized the good doctor was right. "Anyway, now its you guy's turn," said Ash, getting back down to business.

"Our what?" asked Constantine as if caught off guard.

"Choose your weapons come on you guys, get with the program, pick your pick," said Ash as he motioned to the stockpile of weaponry. Constantine only puffed smoke from his cigarette. Occult spoke out after a moment.

"We are students of Magic, whatever foes we may face we will face with magic as our sword and our shield," said the Doctor.

"Well thank you bloody Shakespeare," remarked Constantine as he continued to puff smoke from his cigarette, remarking to the fancy epic talk the good doctor had just so enthusiastically sang.

Ash sighed and looked to the sky. "See what you've given me to work with?" he said with a sense of annoyance. He turned and faced his companions again. "Look if the deadites are here then their here with a freaking invasion force the size of Operation Overlord. Your magic fails you your dead. You ask me I suggest you at least choose one for a back up."

"He is right," said Mr. E as he stepped passed Constantine and Occult and began feeling the weaponry as he walked along the tables and racks. "There are some things you cannot trust on magic alone. We must prepare ourselves for the coming of the great battle," he finished as he picked up a crossbow.

"I suppose it cannot hurt to have a secondary choice said the Doctor as he began to look through the arsenal himself. Constantine stood his ground near the exit of the room-closet.

"Not really my thing mates," began Constantine. "As I'm sure you all know by now, I've got me own ways of winning battles," he said and turned to head out of the room, when the hand of an enraged American violently grabbed him by the back of his coat-collar and flung him against the black wall of the room. John barely managed to keep a calm face as Ash's angry eye's filled his view.

"Okay pal lets get something strait here, we are going to stop these bastards and we are going to do it my way, it's not exactly the easiest way but we know it'll work," said Ash as he held Constantine to the wall but looking at all present in the room as he spoke. "You guys wanta us magic that's fine. But you had better bring a backup weapon of some kind because I am not gonna get myself killed just cause you limies like your magic wands better. And as for you my deceptive friend, you had better not leave us out there, and don't even think about pullin any of your little schemes that'll get me or any of these losers, killed, damned, tortured, maimed or possessed," said Ash.

"Would drowned be alright?" asked Constantine. Ash tightened his grip. "Just a bit of fun squire nothin more, gee," complained as he struggled to free, Ash cooperatively complied and released his Blonde haired friend from his grip. Ash felt kind of rotten about saying all that. On the car ride over to E's place, Constantine and Occult had told Ash about most of Constantine's feats. Most of which were amazing but all had a common out come. He saves the world by screwing over his friends and his enemies at the same time. Constantine kept a face of indifference but Ash could tell he had struck a nerve by giving his pub-partner the badass speech.

"Okay first we need some background info," began Ash. "You ever used a gun before Johnny?" he asked.

"What do you think mate?" answered Constantine.

"Huh," said Ash as he thought for a moment then remembered something he had passed earlier. "I think I have just the thing for you Johnny," he said and guided John to one of the gun racks and pointed to one of it's contents.

"No, bloody no, I won't do it, not now or EVER!" bellowed Constantine at the sight of the weapon Ash had pointed out.

TEN MINUTES LATTER:

Chaz sat waiting for what had seemed to be an eternity. He managed to pass the time by worrying about his wife and daughter, he hoped they didn't run into trouble getting out of town, what with all the violence and the demons siege and all. He looked up into the rear view mirror and saw all four of his costomers walking out of the apartment building and towards him. The only thing different about them was they were all armed now, but nothing shot Chaz's mood up more than the sight of his dear friend John Constantine, carrying a gun of his own, that appeared to be in the shape of a golden cross.

"Bloody hell this is heavy!" whined Constantine as he carried his back up weapon to their ride.

"Well it is made of Gold," pointed out E from his left side holding his crossbow across his chest.

"A waste of perfectly good bloody money," Constantine continued to complain.

"Awe quite yer bitching," began Ash to Constantine's right. "It's a shotgun, its impossible to miss with one of those, believe me."

"Well I'll take your word for it on that one mate. But it's still bloody heavy," said Constantine.

"Your really making a whole lot of fuss over nothing," said Dr. Occult from his fare left.

"Well that's easy for you to say, Doctor cheapscap," growled Constantine. "All you have to carry is that little pistol," he sneered.

"It is a revolver Constantine," said the doctor as he pulled out the silver colored revolver he had conceled in his pocket. "And it is no ordinary one for that matter, it shoots stones from the road to Damascus, where Jesus met with Saint Paul, they are very deadly to demons of all classes."

"No kidding and to think that the most beneficial contribution to the military that man ever made was walking down some pitiful dirt road," grumbled Constantine.

"Awe come on Johnny, besides if your magic holds out you won't even have to use it," said Ash with a smirk. As he slid into shotgun (of the cab).

The other three got in the back, Constantine got in last and as he did he noticed a statue of the Virgin Mary outside the apartment he did not notice before, quickly denying himself any form of faith that image tried to give him he sat down in the cab and Ash's words flashed through is mind again, 'if your magic holds out' he had said. 'Our lady of long lasting magic don't fail me now,' he allowed himself to think. "Okay Chaz back where you got us from," he said. Chaz nodded. As the car pulled out of the neighborhood rain started to fall again. A cleansing rain, or so everyone in London hoped.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's notes: Okay guys I'm sorry about the long wait but I have a lot on my mind right now, what with school and everything. Anyway I am so glad that you all appreciate my work. And here is another exciting edition to Ash's journey into the darkness. PS there will probably be only a few chapters left. Come on guys I have a lot on my mind and more stories to write…and less time to write them.

Chaz dropped them all off at the front of the apartment building he had picked them up at. He drove away in quite a hurry, worried about the wife and family no doubt. Ash, Constantine, Occult and E stood out in the rain with their weapons at hand. Constantine took refuge in a nearby phone booth and made a phone call he only talked for a moment then hung up and rejoined his comrades in arms in the rain storm. "What was that all about?" asked Ash.

"Eh? The phone call ye mean? Awe just some last minute business operations," Constantine said naturally.

"What kind of business?" asked Ash.

"Nothing special mate, you might say it was…private business," said Constantine with a smirk. Ash decided to drop the conversation there. Not just because he was not did not particularly care but because out of the fog came two shapes walking towards the group along the sidewalk. One was tall dark and gloomy looking, the other short and child-like. As they came into full view the four of them came to recognize the Phantom Stranger. To Ash however the young teenaged boy at his side with brown hair and glasses was a complete stranger. The boy with the glasses stopped in his tracks at the sight of Mr. E, but the Stranger's hand on his shoulder gave him the strength to walk closer. The two of them came to a stop only a few feet from the main group. The teenaged boy looked curiously at Ash.

Ash had realized by now that he was amongst wizards, but in this case the resemblance was just plain uncanny. "So who are you suppose to be kid? Harry Potter?" asked Ash.

The teenaged boy appeared to be taken aback by the comment. "Its Tim Hunter," he said. "And I hate those books."

"Groovy, so do I," replied Ash.

"Groovy? Who the hell says groovy any more?" asked Tim.

Ash looked at the kid for a moment, he almost reminded him of himself at that age. "Your not bad kid," said Ash. He then brought up his chainsaw arm and switched it to on, in preparation for the battle to come…and to send a rush of fear into the kid. Tim took half a step back at the sight of Ash's arm, which he had not had a clear view of until then. "But be careful who you shoot your mouth off to in the future," Ash advised before bringing his chainsaw arm back down to his side.

"Right," said Tim, not fearfully but understandingly that he had been a little rude to the American. "Hello John," said Tim as he turned to his favorite of his mentors.

"Lo Tim," said Constantine as he lit a fresh cigarette. "Our new mate here is Ash," Constantine explained with an arm on his American friend's shoulder. "A real American hero, highest body count in the history of demon fighting," Constantine finished. Ash almost blushed at the intro.

"I thought you had the highest John?" said Tim in confusion. Ash and the others all turned to Constantine.

"I'm talking about direct kills Tim," Constantine corrected himself.

"Right," said Ash. "Okay you Celtic screw heads listen up," said Ash calling everyone to attention. "Kid if Tall Dark and Creepy here didn't fill you in on what's going on here then here's the short version, there's an army of demonic zombies taking over the city and we are the first and last line of defense here. To sum it all up we're gonna kick their asses and send them home cryin to their demonic mamas. Not sure if we have enough weapons to go around but when in doubt just stick with us, keep your wits and try not to get in the way. Got it?"

"Well, yes I think so…but that was awful long to be the short version?" replied Tim.

"What?" asked Ash.

"I mean it just seemed a bit too long to be the short version," said Tim.

"Okay fine, you limy smarty pants," began Ash in an annoyed tone of voice. "You want the super-short version? Here it is. We either we blast these demons back to hell or WE'ER BONED! You got that four eyes."

Tim sighed. "Right I got it," he said.

Constantine puffed his cigarette. "Splendid to see your both off to such a good start," he said. "That's bein a regular role model aye mate?" Constantine smirked.

Ash turned towards Constantine with a look of annoyed indifference. "Oh and you must be Mr. Rogers, then?" Ash snapped back with a returning smirk.

"Well I'm no yank or marine. But I have a tattoo…which at the moment will remain unexposed," returned Constantine with a widened grin.

"Enough," came the commanding voice of the Phantom Stranger, everyone went silent and turned to the dark cloaked stranger. "Now that we are all acquainted I trust we can embark upon our undertaking now. With the understanding of course that all that has come to pass is done and that past wrong doings shall not be resumed," the Stranger said facing Mr. E. Everyone turn towards the blind mage.

"Must a man be ridiculed for taking necessary precautions?" asked E in an annoyed tone.

Tim Hunter took a step back in fear, Ash and Constantine stepped forward. "Listen up scum bag, if you even…" Ash began but was cut off by E's can striking the ground.

"Please, spare me the threats and badgering," pleaded Mr. E. "Very well then, although I fear I may be dooming us all in saying this. You have my word that I shall make no further attempt to purge the word of Mr. Hunter, as great a threat he may be. The burden and the responsibility, rests squarely in the hands of you gentlemen, God willing you shall make good of it," E finished. Tim sighed with relief.

Constantine blew a long streak of smoke. "Well as far as the willing part, I some how doubt he'll be doing anything out of the usual. Thrown and clouds and whatnot…" Constantine began but was interrupted by Ash.

"Hey would you ease off the Blassfeeming Johnny?" asked Ash in a reasonable tone. "We need all the help we can possibly get, and besides he's watching, remember," Ash finished and nodded to the sky.

"Oh good then I can finally tell im a few wee thoughts of mine…" Constantine gave a menacing grin then looked up, pointed to the sky and opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped short by a tapping on his right shoulder.

"Oh Johnny boy," came Ash's voice from Constantine's side. Constantine turned to see that Ash was tapping him on the shoulder with his chainsaw arm with a blinding grin on his face. "Don't tempt me Johnny," said Ash.

Constantine frowned; he hated it when someone tried to be his conscience. But he could not help but like the yank. "All right squire," he sighed. "I'll keep my wee thoughts up here," he said and tapped his temple. "Lucky for you I like ye," he said with a faint smirk.

"As well you should my English friend," said Ash. "Okay Mister Sunglasses at night. You're the one with the whole second site thingumy, lead us to the bad guys," said Ash to Mr. E.

"Right then," E sneered at Ash's sarcasm. "This way Gentlemen," finished E as he lead the six of them down the rainy streets of London they passed by a sign on the side of the road that read 'Buckingham Palace two miles,' a black arrow pointed after them.

Author's notes: Okay so there wasn't any action, I know you want it but it will have to wait till next time, it won't be nearly as long a wait I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's notes: Okay everyone here we go. This is the big one; the battle for London is about to begin. This may or may not be the final chapter. For those of you Hellblazer fans who may be mad about Ash's treatment to Constantine; Constantine is a prick, it's about time someone told him down. Okay I may take it a little bit easier on him. Anyway here's the next chapter, enjoy and please review.

The five Trench coat clad heroes…well not exactly heroes, (one of them only in a white T-shirt and blue jeans) continued down the dark and rainy streets of London. Constantine made them stop along the way at a small apartment along the way. He told the others just to wait for him, and that head only be a wee moment. True to his word for once. Constantine emerged from the doors of the apartment only a few moments after he entered. After exiting he quickly placed an envelope in his jacket pocket and returned to the group. "What's that?" asked Ash.

"What this…Oh nothing special, private business mate," Constantine grinned. Ash shrugged and told Mr. E to continue leading the way. The six of them continued down the dreary streets until they entered an area of the city, which was in ruins. Glass and bricks littered the ground buildings barely standing were full of holes, many were torn down to the frames and most of them were on fire or had burn marks on them.

"Yep, the dead heads have been here alright," said Ash as he looked around the area, E continued to venture forth without even slowing down.

"No soddin kidding yank!" replied Constantine. "Jaisus Christ! What a mess!" Constantine exclaimed.

"Not that I'm too crazy about it, but you can say that again," said Ash still gazing at the destruction. As they continued down the streets they saw corpses of soldiers and policemen as well as police and armored vehicles; all drenched in blood and surrounded by fallen guns and bullet casings.

"Oh Christ!" exclaimed Constantine as he suddenly slapped his forehead with his right hand, his other hand dangling his shotgun.

"Now what?" asked Ash.

"I just remembered, me mate Mickey lives in this neighborhood!" said Constantine. "Just up the road from here," he said and began leading the way himself with a sense of urgency. The others followed after him. He stopped at an apartment building that looked like it would fall apart at any second. "He lives in there, we better go up an check," said Constantine.

"Hell no," bellowed Ash. "Look at that thing," said Ash pointing to the beaten up apartment building before them. "It has death trap written all over it!"

"Oi! Me mate Mick could still be in there!" Constantine bellowed at Ash.

"Come on Johnny," began Ash sympathetically. If the deadites haven't gotten him than he probably fled already."

"He's not the type to flee, he'd stay and fight for his place till the end," said Constantine. "We got to at least check, he may have some info for us too," Constantine suggested.

"It could be in our interest to get a birds eye view of our surroundings," said the Stranger.

"Constantine is right," Dr. Occult put in. "We must at least try to secure the safety of any survivors we can."

"Well I, don't know," said Ash. "It could be…alright screw it lets go. Tim, you and the Stranger stay here until we get back, got it?" Tim and the Stranger both nodded. "Okay here we go," said Ash.

"Right then, go for it mate," smiled Constantine.

"Me? By we I meant you…asshole," said Ash.

"Me…hey now see here ya prat," began Constantine.

"Hey this is your friend we're talking about right?" asked Ash. "I should think you would be in there by now."

"But the bleedin deadites could be in there!" wailed Constantine.

"Quite your bitching, we've got guns remember? And you've got the biggest one," replied Ash.

Constantine's grip on the gun that hung heavily in his arms slipped slightly, almost causing a catastrophic (would be hilarious) fall. "You had to remind me!" Constantine gripped. "Bloody hell this is looking to be way to much work and far to violent for an old pacifist like me," Constantine said with a sigh.

"You've got to be kidding me! Pacifist…oh look just forget the repetitive whining, lets just go," commanded Ash when he had finally had enough. Ash, Constantine, E and Occult made their way into the building and up the stairs to the second floor. All of them had their guns at the ready, except for Constantine who held his as if it were some nameless burden to be carried. Constantine led the way to one of the rooms further down the hallway. The door was already torn down and three of them walk strait in, E stayed outside saying he would keep watch. "Well good luck doing that brother," Ash replied as they walked through the door less doorway.

"Oh Jesus!" shrieked Constantine as they entered. He ran across the room to a corps on the ground, they were to late. Ash looked away from Constantine and his friend's tattered corps. Ash had seen enough of such confrontations, more than enough. "Wait I have me an idea that could get us a sent to follow," said Constantine as he squatted down next to he corps of his friend Mick and began muttering stranger words under his breath. After a few moments of gibberish, Constantine stopped and his friend's eyes began to glow sky blue. "Mick? Mickey boy do ya here me?" said Constantine, loud and clear.

"H-hey!" came a jolly English voice from the corps, the lips never moved. "Look who it is, it's the Dick head!" said the corps in response to Constantine's calls. Ash was starting to like this guy already.

"Oi! Up yours ya wanker!" bellowed Constantine in return.

"Packin heat now are ya, well a lota good it dose your friends now eh?" said the voice of Mick.

"Look mate, have you see where those dead things have gotten to?" asked Constantine.

"How should I know? Last time I saw them they were half way up your arse!" said the joking voice of John's dearly departed friend.

"Is this corps giving you a hard time?" asked E as he entered. None of the four of them noticed the strange glowing object hovering in Mick's ravaged kitchen, to their left.

"What's this? A blind man?" asked Mick's ghost. "Are you sods here to fight the demons or to play Marco Polo with em?"

"Okay clearly this guy is going to be no help at all and we have wasted valuable time which could have been used to find the deadites and stop them before they destroy what's left of this damn city. Come on guys lets get moving," said Ash as he turned and headed for the door. The others began to follow, Constantine reached into his left jacket pocket to find a replacement cigarette for the one that was almost burned out in his mouth. As he turned he caught a glimpse of a strange glowing yellow ball with a menacing evil face grinning at him from within it he turned back to the group with his new smoke in hand and suddenly froze in place, his eye's widened and he cursed himself and the other's out mentally for not noticing sooner.

"JAISUS, MARY AND FREAKIN JOE, THERE IT IS!" screamed Constantine as he turned back towards the entrance to Mick's kitchen, now aiming his shotgun in the semi-general direction as the demonic spirit, his smoke now squashed between this finger and the trigger guard. All the others turned to where Constantine now pointed his gun.

"HOLY SHIT RUN!" shouted Ash as he, Constantine, E and Occult all started shooting their guns wildly in at the demonic spirit. Ash and Occult appeared to be the only ones who might have actually damaged it if it were a possessed corps like the ones they fought earlier. E took one shot from his crossbow, as he started running backwards out the door.

Constantine fired off three rounds from his shotgun before he started running around frantically screaming, "OH, SODDING HELL, SODDING JAISUS, SODDING GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!

The demon soul began to slowly hover through the bullets toward the shooters. "Shit RUN!" shrieked Ash as he and Doctor Occult began to run too. It did not take them long to catch up to each other. Occult and E sprinted for the stairs, Ash and Constantine decided the Windows were a much more effective and time efficient route of escape, it was only a one-story fall.

"Women and children last!" screamed Constantine just before he and Ash leaped from the building windows.

"Run, run, run, run, run, run!" screamed Ash as he fell.

Back in the room Mick's voice laughed loud and hard. "What ya leavin already that's sodding hilarious!"

"Ah run Tim, run Wanker, bloody run!" shouted Constantine as he and the other three ran strait past Tim and the Stranger, both of whom were completely dumbstruck.

"John what's going on?" shouted Tim. "I thought we were suppose to fight the demons not race them," he shouted as the Stranger and he began to run after the others.

"That's right Tim we won! This is our victory lap!" shouted Constantine as he and the others continued down the road in the direction they were traveling in before.

Alone in his room now the spirit voice of Mick shouted after them, "Hey come back in here mates I think yer tiring the little sod out!" he then proceed to laugh louder and harder than ever. "My God if I ever laughed this much in life."

Ash and the others ran for another ten minutes, they all realized on the spot that their bullets had no effect on the demons unless they were in a human body. As if they could all read each other's minds they all stopped for a rest at a bus stop, rather the twisted skeletal remains of a bus stop. They all looked like living corpses, in that they could barely move, they breathed heavy and their eyes were that of desperate animals all except for the Stranger who seemed as calm and ready as always. Ash was the first to break the silence. "Damn it! You would think that after twenty some odd years of fighting these things I would figure out some kind of weapon to kill those spirit things," he grunted as he gasped for breath.

"What's this? The mighty Ash admitting defeat!" Constantine managed a laugh through his gasps he then reached into his pocket for another smoke.

"Yeah right, like you did any better," growled Ash. "I've seen blind men aim straighter than you!"

"What are you talking about you twat!" began Constantine. "I did exactly like you said with this cursed thing," said Constantine as he lifted the Holy Shotgun. "Just point and shoot you said. It's easy you said!"

"Maybe if you had just kept your cool like I also told you to do you might have hit something," Ash returned. "One minute you were shooting like a maniac, the next you were running around like a freakin chicken with your head cut off."

"Look mate, I do believe we went over this before, I'm not a soldier, I'm not a Crusader, and I'm not a Gun fighter!" began Constantine with frustrated anger. "I'm a bastard, I am a cheap, fowl mouthed, lying, godless bastard! I cheat people, I con people, I lead them off into the wrong direction, I screw them over, and I'm damn proud of it.

"Yeah but you also have a tendency to screw with the good guys," Ash pointed out. "Darkman here told me all about that little incident with the angle Gabriel years back. What's that all about? Whose damn side are you on pal?"

"I have my own side mate," returned Constantine as he lit his cigarette.

"Oh don't give me that third party bullshit!" bellowed Ash. "Good or Evil, pick one."

"Sure, no problem mate. Let me see here now, oh do Nazis count as good guys?" asked Constantine with a joking smile.

"What the hell kind of a question is that?" asked Ash now thrown off a bit.

"Apparently you label that snob Gabriel as a quote, good guy," Constantine began. "Well it just happens that one of my reasons for shoving old Gabby's face into the dirt was that he was assisting a freakin Neo Nazi politician in taking over the police and parliament," he said, Ash was thoroughly shocked but remained silent. "If I hadn't knocked the snob from his pedestal, the few blacks and Jews left in this bleedin country buy now would be eating their own shit in concentration camps! Need I say more?" asked Constantine.

"I see your point," said Ash. "In fact having heard that I can't say I blame you. But besides which, you really should get off that con-job routine. That sort of thing is gonna get you killed, yeah sure you might get away with it for a while, but there's always someone better than you, no matter who you are, with the exception of yours truly of course," Ash finished with grin.

"Not very likely mate, besides that little shoot out back there defiantly doesn't peg me as any John friggin Wayne," Constantine pointed out.

"Awe don't sell yourself short buddy," said Ash in a cheery tone. "Maybe if I had gotten a few more shots…"

"More like any bloody shots at all Yank!" Constantine cut in.

"Well I think I got at least one shot on him," said Ash in defense.

"He was a bloody spirit you twat! You can't shoot a ghost!" Constantine exclaimed.

"You hit nothing but air and the walls," said E as he entered the conversation.

"Oh yeah? How would you know pal? You were running strait backwards!" Ash shot back.

"The crossbow is a ranged weapon," E said as he held up his crossbow. "I need range in order to use it effectively."

"Right where were you going to fire it from the friggin moon!" asked Constantine.

"If you backed up any further you would have had to mail him the arrow!" stated Ash.

"And what bloody good would range do you anyway, Mr. E?" asked Tim from the other side of the bus stop. "Your blind!"

"Silence mongrel!" roared E at the sound of Tim's voice. "I will not take fowl tongue from you!"

"Hey!" barked Constantine. "Lay the hell off him ya prat!"

"Same here, you watch yourself bub!" said Ash.

"Such hypocrites," E laughed as he turned back to them. "You battle monsters only to defend other monsters."

"Oh really? Well don't you worry pal we'll fix that up for you right away. What do you say we start by killing you, you bastard!" replied Ash.

"Unbelievable!" sighed Tim.

"And people often wonder why the Stranger and myself like to keep quite," said Doctor Occult, the Stranger nodded in agreement.

"You would think after years of fighting evil they would figure out how to act mature!" exclaimed Tim.

"What did you say!" said Ash, E, and Constantine, all in unison.

"You got a lot of nerve sassing us Tim!" bellowed Constantine. E looked way to angry for words.

"This coming from the world renowned 'King of Sass,' nice try John," smiled Tim.

"John's right punk," said Ash. "No one likes a smart-ass."

"I don't mind," Dr. Occult put in with a smirk.

"Your not normal!" the three would-be brawlers bellowed again in unison.

"And a Blind demon slaying Zealot, a fowl mouthed, faithless, bigot, wizard, and a demon fighting American gunslinger with a chainsaw for an arm are suppose to be normal?" asked the doctor with a smile.

"The concept of normal is a very questionable and controversial concept as is," explained the Phantom Stranger from behind Dr. Occult. "One man's normal is another man's ridiculous…today's normal is tomorrows unusual…" the Stranger looked to the sky as a philosopher would, then continued to ramble on with more philosophical gibberish about what is normal and how it is all a matter of opinion. Ash, E and Constantine stood there, on the other side of the would-be bus stop with their fists clenched and their eyes narrowed with frustration. It was plain to see that Tim was barely able to hold back his laughter.

Ash finally broke the silence among the three of them. "Okay guys new, plan," he began as he looked to the two on his left and right. E you were right, as soon as we finish with the deadites, we kill them all…" Ash finished with his eyes glaring at the three on the opposite side of the bus stop, the infinitely more dignified and sensible three.

"Here, bloody here," said Constantine joining Ash in his glare.

"I would concur if I thought you were being serious," stated E, his glare already present.

Ash sighed. "You have to ruin everything don't you…wait a minute!" Ash paused. "Hasn't anyone been keeping watch? In case that demon thing was still following us?" asked Ash.

The Stranger instantly halted his lecture and turned to Ash. "We thought one of you would be keeping watch," he said.

"We thought one of you would be watching!" said Constantine.

"Not a word out of any of you!" E growled in recognition of an opportunity for his loud-mouthed companions.

A strange loud cross between a rumble and a groan was heard suddenly. Everyone leaped to their feet and began to back into a tightly packed group with Ash in the middle. They all looked around in the dark gray area around them they saw nothing but tattered buildings and occasionally, flickering streetlights. Another sound was heard this time sounding more like a moaning growl and much, much closer. So close the ones standing near the outside of the group could feel it behind them. Constantine, E, Occult, the Stranger and Tim all spun around and leaped back to see Ash, with his eye's sunken in, his teeth rotten and bulging out, his skin twisted and stretched and his eyeballs had rolled over white. With a low pitched mixture of a laugh and a growl a demonic voice came from Ash's body. "JOIN US!" it said.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's notes: Hey people, sorry about the long wait, I know I promised you the final showdown last time but I figured I'd drag it on a few more chapters, but I'm sure your all waiting to see how things go down so here you go people. And I promise to make it worth it's wait. Enjoy and please review.

"Blimmy!" shrieked Constantine as he leaped back with the rest in horror. Ash…or rather the possessed Ash, sun around looking at each member of the group around him, his mouth wide open and eyes gazing ravenously from at each of the others, as if trying to decide which to attack first. The rest of the trench coat brigade looked at their friend in horror and uncertainty. The Five of them were now in a semi circle around Ash, from Ash's far right; the line up was Constantine, Mr. E, Tim Hunter, Dr. Occult, and the Stranger.

"What are we going to do?" asked Tim to all present.

"We must find some way to free him, he is a man of strong will, we might be able to give his soul a fighting chance," stated the stranger.

"And your weakness prevails over you again," roared Mr. E, everyone turned their attention to him. "Look at him!" E bellowed as Ash continued to roar and growl at them. "He is no longer human, how do you plan to restore his soul at this point. He no longer has the ability to reason, the only way to save his soul now is to send it into the after life, wherever it may take him."

"Bollocks," bellowed Constantine. "He's our mate he is, are we just going to give up on him like he was nothin?"

"If you would abandon your friends to the hands of a demon, Constantine, than it appears it must once again be my strength that saves us," stated E. He then raised his crossbow and aimed it at Ash.

Constantine leaped in E's direction. "E for sod sack don't do it!" he shouted. Tim and Occult also cried out in protest. The Stranger thrust his right arm in E's direction, a bolt of blue lighting shot out and struck E's right arm just as he fire his weapon, but just as the Stranger had planned it threw off E's aim, the arrow sped off course, but not to far off course. E had aimed for Ash's heart, the arrow spun to the left and grazed Ash's right shoulder, dark red blood sprayed out of the wound, the Ash grasped the wound and roared at the top of his lungs with pain, he then turned his attention to his pain's point of origin. He charged he with the speed of a cheetah, much to fast for E to reload or for any of the other's to take any action. E was fortunate that he had hit Ash in the right shoulder or he would have most likely been impaled. Ash gave a mighty punch to E's chest with his left fist and sent E flying backwards into a crumbled building.

Dr. Occult ran toward Ash. "Ash! You have to snap out of it," he said. "Your stronger than the demon is, concentrate!" he insisted. Ash turned to the doctor and gave wicked smile. He then grabbed Occult by the throat and lifted him in the air.

The Stranger ran to them quickly. "Ash, you must be strong now, free yourself. We are your friends, you don't want to hurt us!" the Stranger insisted as Dr. Occult gasped for air.

Ash gave a wicked laugh, which sounded closer to a roar as he held the doctor in his grasp. "Yes, I Do!" growled his demonic voice as he threw Dr. Occult at the Phantom Stranger with all his strength. Both the Stranger and Occult were now lying on the ground. Ash grinned with the smile of a shark and turned to Constantine. "And you!" he roared.

"Oh bloody hell," grumbled Constantine with terror as he made a petty attempt to back away, he was trembling with terror, to horrified to think of any possible escape. Ash approached him swiftly but with ease, confident that Constantine was helpless. He grabbed Constantine by the neck and lifted him up over his head. Constantine hung helplessly in the air with his hands hanging at his sides.

"Are you English?" asked Ash with a sadistic smile. "Tell me, are you English?" he repeated. "ARE YOU ENGLISH?" Ash's voice turned to a furious roar.

Constantine was too terrified to be annoyed by these words. Mockery about his accent was not uncommon especially among demons. "Ah…Yes," Constantine gasped through Ash's grasp. The demon chuckled wickedly at it's victory. A small rock smacked against the back of Ash's head, Ash's face twisted into a sneer as he turned to see Tim Hunter with his right arm held back. In his hand was a rock and he was preparing to throw it.

"Put him down!" ordered Tim.

Constantine knew he had to think fast or else Ash would surly crush Tim. Constantine raised his left hand and tapped Ash on the shoulder. The demon turned to him with an even deeper sneer. Constantine gave him a charming smile. "Don't you like the English?" he asked with a high-pitched gentleman's voice. Ash's disfigured face turned bright red and the demon's face twisted and churned even more with furry. Constantine realized he had made a terrible mistake. 'Oh bugger,' he thought.

"NNAAAOOOO!" roared the demon. He then lifted Constantine over his head and hurled him head first toward the same building he had thrown Mr. E.

Mr. E had emerged from the hole in the wall of the building he had been thrown through dragging his crossbow at his side. "Death to the he impure!" he growled as he climbed out of the hole, covered in dust, he now looked gray all over. It had only been a few seconds when, with his unnatural hearing that he heard the high pitched wailing of an Englishman soaring towards him at a high speed. "No," he gasped has his facial expression twisted from furry to horror. An instant latter Constantine flew into E's chest and the two of them flew through the hole in the building wall and through another interior wall before coming to a stop as they smashed against the wall at the opposite end of the building. E's sunglasses had been knocked off outside the building. Now the two of them lay against a wall in the dimly light building, with Constantine's semi conscious head in E's chest and E laying with the back of his head propped up against the wall wide awake, his empty eye sockets exposed and even more furious than he was when he emerged from the building, so angry he could not even bring himself to shake Constantine awake. After a few moments Constantine began to shift and regain consciousness. "Constantine!" E growled in a deep raspy voice, his face vibrating with anger.

Constantine opened his opened his eyes and looked up to see a gray, eyeless, frowning face only inches away from his own, his eyes widened. "AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Constantine screamed in terror at what he saw.

E lifted his right arm, itself trembling with his furry and grasped Constantine's shirt collar. Constantine paused his screaming. "Get off of me," E growled. Constantine then continued to scream in terror. E then grasped Constantine's throat, forcing his screaming to a strangled halt. "And stop screaming so close to my ears!" E roared with frustration. At this Constantine recognized the horrific face he had awoken to.

"E?" Constantine gasped from E's grip. Mr. E loosened his grip, realizing Constantine had recognized him. "Bloody hell man have you ever considered a little lift and bloody tuck old son?" These words made E grow even angrier. He considered facelifts to be a lustful obsession with one's body and sex. E quickly started mumbling something. Constantine was taken back by this, "What are you saying?" he asked, just before he recognized the words E was mumbling as the spell of strength.

E finished the spell; his right arm began to flux with blue lightning. "I said, GET OFF!" shouted E as he gave Constantine a might push forward. In fact he pushed with so much strength that he sent Constantine flying back out they way he came.

The demon had just thrown Constantine and had turned to Tim. Timothy was about ten feet away. He backed further away from Ash but kept his arm back and ready to throw the rock in his hand. "Concentrate Ash!" said Tim. "You have to break free," he insisted. The demon took a step towards Tim; he clearly gave Tim no regard as an opponent. Tim threw the rock at Ash's head with all his might, hoping to knock him out. Ash extended his arm and caught the rock in mid-air. The demon paused for a moment then tightened his grip on the rock and crushed it, the powdery remains of the rock slipped through his fingers and scattered into the wind. The demon gave a dark chuckle. Tim took another step back and looked around nervously trying to think of something, anything to improve the current situation. He could think of nothing but one. But the last time he tried it, Constantine had given him an earful for it and he was unsure of it's effect on the human body, it could not only dispel the demon but kill Ash as well. But given the circumstances it seemed to be the only way out. "Sorry Ash," he said and muttered a phrase, which the demon could not comprehend. Tim's right hand started glowing as bright as a star Ash's twisted face twisted with confusion and blinked from the light. Tim raised his hand and thrust the light into the Ash's face. The light burst into the Ash's face and glowed brighter than ever, Tim shut his eyes as the light became blinding. Occult and the Stranger (who had gotten up only seconds ago) quickly lifted their arms and covered their own eye's. The Demon's unnatural voice howled and faded into nothingness. The light vanished just as swiftly as it came, and there stood Ash. His eyes had grown back into place his skin loosened back to normal, his skin color returned to normal, and his rotten teeth had vanished and had been replaced by his white, well kept teeth. Ash gasped for breath as if had just ran a mile. "Ash!" Tim exclaimed, happy to see that his last resort spell had not killed his latest companion. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes," Ash said as he regained control of his breathing. "I'm fine," he said with a sight of relief. "Damn, it!" he bellowed with a sense of realization. "This is the third time those bastards did this to me," he growled. "Now the gloves are off baby," he growled and brushed off his white trench coat. Tim smiled and sighed with relief that Ash was back to his old self again.

"Impressive Timothy," remarked the Stranger from behind, Tim turned to the Stranger. "I am impressed that you have mastered the Sanctus Lucifra spell."

"The what?" asked Tim in confusion.

"The Holy Light spell," the Stranger translated.

"Constantine had informed us that he had taught you most High Magnus spells but not that one," stated Dr. Occult.

"What's so special about it," asked Tim. "The last time I used it John nearly bit my bleeding head off!" Tim continued as Ash continued to rant about how he was going to carve the deadites up like Christmas Gooses.

Dr. Occult sighed. "If Constantine insists on being your instructor he should at least be thorough in his teaching," he mumbled. "The Holy light spell is the most powerful of all High Magnus spells it is said that that spell was given to Merlin from the Archangel Michael himself, it's power is so pure and so extreme that you can only use it a few times in your life."

"Oh bollocks," said Tim after a short pause. "Well I sure hope I won't be needing that again."

"A spell of that magnitude at this age, either this young man is the heir to Merlin himself or perhaps Constantine is not as clumsy and arrogant as he seems," remarked Dr. Occult.

"Nothing is ever as it seems Doctor," stated the Stranger. Ash's ranting seemed to be calming down.

Tim's eyes widened. "Bloody hell I forgot about John!" he shrieked.

At these words Ash ceased to rant and turned to the others. "John, what about him, what happened?" asked Ash with a face full of concern. Tim turned to Ash and was about to explain what had happened when a loud scream filled the air they all turned to see Constantine flying towards Ash at a high velocity. "Noo…" Ash managed to scream an instant before Constantine collided with him and sent them both flying backward into a pile of rubble. The others rushed to their aid.

Ash blinked in the dust of the pile of brick and stone he lay upon and looked into the eyes of his English friend John Constantine, himself blinking and coughing from the dust. Ash looked into Constantine's eyes with resentment for the abrupt and unwanted high-speed ride he had just had. Constantine returned his gaze and smiled sweetly. "You have beautiful eyes love," he said.

"Get off of me," Ash growled without showing anymore anger. Constantine pushed himself to his feet.

"Come now love, no need to play hard to get, there's a first time for everything you know," said Constantine as he brushed himself off.

"Shut up John," said Ash, almost growling as he stood up and brushed himself off.

"First E now you love?" asked Constantine with an even deeper grin. "Why are all the boys so touchy today."

"John," said Ash and Tim in unison, both with identical expressions on their faces that pointed out the eternal truth that enough is enough.

"All right you humorless wankers!" exclaimed Constantine. "Jaisus Christ am I the only one in this world with a sense of bleedin humor?" he asked to all present. Dr. Occult pressed his hand to his forehead and shook his head.

"He is as tactless as ever," sighed the Stranger.

"So your back Mr. Williams," came a familiar voice from behind the group. They all turned to see Mr. E standing only a few yards from the huddle of the main group, his sunglasses back on and all matter of dirt and/or dust gone. "I admit I am impressed that your soul should have so much will power to maintain itself through such an ordeal," he said, his face and voice as cold and emotionless as usual.

"If you stick around bud you'll find I'm full of surprises," said Ash with a grin.

"Indeed," replied E. He then turned in Tim's direction. Tim did not even blink at E's attention. "And I notice the child grows ever more powerful," said E. "Let us hope that he should continue to harness his powers for good, even after one has started the path of righteousness it can be easy to stray form the road into the vast forest of sin.

Tim was taken back by these words. 'Was E, praising me?' he asked himself.

"Well thank you Father Corapi," said Ash. "Now before anything else goes to hell, why don't we try to stop for a moment and try to figure out what to do instead of just going out and winging it?"

Everyone was silent at these words. Everyone thought silently for a moment. E broke the silence after a minute. "If anyone can help us on that note Mr. Williams, it is you," said E.

"What," everyone accept E asked in Unison.

"What are you talking about?" asked Ash.

"When the demon took your body, and your minds and souls were mingled, what did you see?" asked E.

Ash paused for a moment thinking back on what happened. "I'm not sure it kind of went blank," said Ash.

"E is correct Ash," said the Stranger as he took two steps toward Ash. "When a demon enters a human body the thoughts of that demon are shared with it's human host and likewise are implanted into the mind of the human. Just think there must be something you can remember, you need only clear your mind and concentrate on your thoughts after the demon took you."

"Okay, just give me a moment here," said Ash. He to he took a few steps back from the group, shut his eyes and began to think back to the moment the demon took him. At first all he saw was darkness, but after a few moments he started to see something something tall and pointed it began to look like a giant spear with some kind of round engraving near the top. There appeared to be birds of some sort flying around it, with one perched at the top. But as the image continued to grow more clear Ash realized that the spear was actually a building, an all too familiar building, he had seen it on the cover of every travel guide book to the United Kingdom, the round engraving was a clock. It was Big Ben. The monsters flying around it were demons and the figure on the very top of the tower was a man wearing a black cloak and a goat's skull on his head and waving his arms in the air above him was a black hole in the sky out of which came even more demons. Ash suddenly found himself only a few feet away from the black cloaked man at the top of Big Ben. The man paused as if he had noticed Ash's presence if Ash were not completely enveloped in what he was seeing he probably would have drawn his gun. The Black cloaked man removed his mask to reveal the face of a Caucasian man with dark hair a thick mustache and brown eyes. Ash was taken back not only at how ordinary the man looked but also at the fact that he wore the white callor of a priest around his neck, no surprise that on his chest was a red inverted pentagram. An instant latter blood began to pour down from under the man's chin and down his neck onto the red pentagram on his chest, which surprisingly soaked up all the blood and glowed bright red. Ash now freaked out returned his gaze to the man's face.

"Constantine…" the man said pleadingly.

Ash opened his eyes and gasped. "You all right there mate came Constantine's voice form Ash's side. Ash turned to see Constantine a few feet to his right with a face of concern. "You were shakin like a moraka on Mexican New Year my son. What bloody happened?" he asked.

"What did you see, Mr. Williams?" asked E, everyone looked at Ash with question.

"If I had a dime for every time you've probably asked someone that question," began Ash as his mind came back into focus. "I could probably retire to Hollywood," Ash smile.


End file.
